S1E05: Love thy Neighbor
Quick! Why was Ender able to beat the formics?
Spoiler: (don't worry. I HATE spoilers, so I won't reveal anything crazy)
Ender was able to defeat the formics because he understood them perfectly. His conflict, therefore, was that he could not understand his enemy perfectly without also loving them. Of course, it broke his heart to destroy them.
Still, the principle is powerful. Even if we come from completely different situations, even if people have faults that drive us mad, we can still come to love them by learning about their past, their dreams, their motivations.
Christians believe that God is our Father and an all-knowing being. He knows each person perfectly, and he loves perfectly.
There is a fundamental connection between knowing a person and loving them.
I firmly believe that the best way to strengthen a bond with someone is to open up to them. That means breaking down the walls and social barriers. We humans have developed an innate fear of admitting our fears, doubts and pains to other people. We have to be close to them BEFORE we peel open our soul and make bare our vulnerabilities.
When was the last time you had a sincere conversation with someone, one where you didn't hold back? A professional therapist is trained to help people have those kinds of conversations, but why do we shy away from being as open with our peers.
The guy who sits next to me at work is a psychology major, and he is going to be a great therapist. Since we both work early mornings before anyone else is in the office, we have often had lengthy conversations about, well, everything. It feels really good to have a conversation in which I can truly express my opinions and reflect on my character. Obviously, you have to establish a rapport and level of comfort in order to have productive conversations, but the more we do so, the more we can connect to another human.
So many of us feel lost. Disconnected. Depressed. Lonely.
I believe that loneliness is the most detrimental, painful and heartbreaking feeling we can have.
The best way to fight feelings of loneliness is to be open with the people in our lives. We all crave connection. Even before we leave the womb we are connected to our mother and we can be comforted by familiar voices. Some of us don't like physical touch as much as others, but we all need to make emotional bonds with other people. We can't do that if we keep our true selves bottled up.
"If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find." - John Churton Collins
This quote is why I started thinking about this idea. I know that I have found deeper connections with the people in my life over the last 7 years because I have taken risks, confided in people and expressed my inner thoughts more than I ever have before.
There were times as a teenager and much younger adult that I desperately wanted to talk with someone, but I was even too afraid to open my mouth to my parents or siblings. I have had to put lots of mental effort and courage towards starting conversations with my mom or dad, my roommates. I've had to work hard to stop bottling myself in. And I think it has been paying off. It doesn't take years to know someone anymore. Time will always make people more comfortable, but so does conversation.
My challenge to you is two-part: go have a real conversation with someone. Don't be afraid to share the deep things you keep locked away in your heart. Admit your faults, own your mistakes, and embrace the experiences that have made you who you are.
Second, be the kind of listener who allows others to do the same with you.
Spoiler: (don't worry. I HATE spoilers, so I won't reveal anything crazy)
Ender was able to defeat the formics because he understood them perfectly. His conflict, therefore, was that he could not understand his enemy perfectly without also loving them. Of course, it broke his heart to destroy them.
Still, the principle is powerful. Even if we come from completely different situations, even if people have faults that drive us mad, we can still come to love them by learning about their past, their dreams, their motivations.
Christians believe that God is our Father and an all-knowing being. He knows each person perfectly, and he loves perfectly.
There is a fundamental connection between knowing a person and loving them.
I firmly believe that the best way to strengthen a bond with someone is to open up to them. That means breaking down the walls and social barriers. We humans have developed an innate fear of admitting our fears, doubts and pains to other people. We have to be close to them BEFORE we peel open our soul and make bare our vulnerabilities.
When was the last time you had a sincere conversation with someone, one where you didn't hold back? A professional therapist is trained to help people have those kinds of conversations, but why do we shy away from being as open with our peers.
The guy who sits next to me at work is a psychology major, and he is going to be a great therapist. Since we both work early mornings before anyone else is in the office, we have often had lengthy conversations about, well, everything. It feels really good to have a conversation in which I can truly express my opinions and reflect on my character. Obviously, you have to establish a rapport and level of comfort in order to have productive conversations, but the more we do so, the more we can connect to another human.
So many of us feel lost. Disconnected. Depressed. Lonely.
I believe that loneliness is the most detrimental, painful and heartbreaking feeling we can have.
The best way to fight feelings of loneliness is to be open with the people in our lives. We all crave connection. Even before we leave the womb we are connected to our mother and we can be comforted by familiar voices. Some of us don't like physical touch as much as others, but we all need to make emotional bonds with other people. We can't do that if we keep our true selves bottled up.
"If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find." - John Churton Collins
This quote is why I started thinking about this idea. I know that I have found deeper connections with the people in my life over the last 7 years because I have taken risks, confided in people and expressed my inner thoughts more than I ever have before.
There were times as a teenager and much younger adult that I desperately wanted to talk with someone, but I was even too afraid to open my mouth to my parents or siblings. I have had to put lots of mental effort and courage towards starting conversations with my mom or dad, my roommates. I've had to work hard to stop bottling myself in. And I think it has been paying off. It doesn't take years to know someone anymore. Time will always make people more comfortable, but so does conversation.
My challenge to you is two-part: go have a real conversation with someone. Don't be afraid to share the deep things you keep locked away in your heart. Admit your faults, own your mistakes, and embrace the experiences that have made you who you are.
Second, be the kind of listener who allows others to do the same with you.
Comments
Post a Comment